Routes

Have you ever been going about your day normally, then pause for like 5 or 10 minutes and drown in deep thought?
Thinking about things like the way you travelled that day.
What if you took a wrong turning and took a different route.
How could that have changed your life by taking that route.
What would have been different.
Would it have been a positive or negative to your life.
Would something have changed your life by going on a different path.
Life is full of paths and we don’t even realise.
We just go with the flow.
By leaving your house for work in the morning at 9:00am or 9:01am, that’s two different paths that could completely change what happens for the rest of your life.
I could be thinking too deeply right now, but think about it.
Think about the paths you take on a day to day basis.
Think about things that have happened just by chance.
Just because you took a different path one day.
Don’t be afraid to take a different path every now and then.
You could change your life.
Just by taking a different path.

~ JW

When ?

It hurts not knowing when you’ll next speak to someone.
Will it be in an hour?
A day?
A week?
Ever?
It kills not knowing.
All you want to do is pick your phone up and see a simple message or a phone call.
Yet there’s nothing.
Even though you know fully well there’s been no contact, you consistently check your phone.
If your phone rings or vibrates your stomach flips, just for it to be a message from someone you don’t even want to talk to.
It’s horrible.
Constantly on edge.
Constantly waiting.
Wondering when you’ll next speak.
You feel like just turning your phone off because it’s like you’re pointlessly waiting, but then you think “what if I get a call or text when my phone is off” so you leave it on, continuously checking.
Checking and seeing nothing.
Nothing whatsoever.
Patiently waiting makes you become impatient but all you can do, is wait.
Patiently wait.

Who’d of thought waiting for something so simple could be so excruciating.

Love Part2.

Love.
It’s a crazy thing isn’t it.
You could be mad as hell at someone, but you know that under all that frustration, you have an undying love for them which forces you to calm down.
That cushion type of love.
What I mean by that is no matter what the situation, you know that the love you have for a person is always there to fall back onto.
It keeps you sane.
Every man and his dog on this planet could claim to “understand”, but you know only the one person who has experienced your love, is the one and only person to say “I understand” and it actually be true.
Whether you say “I love you” or simply mimic each other by saying the same things or having identical mannerisms, you know that the bond you’ve built together is what makes that happen.
Maybe something so simple like laughing in a similar way or using the same slang.
It comforts you knowing that you can share something so unique with just one person.
Something so unique that it cannot be duplicated.
Love.
It’s amazing.
You could be having a conversation, and completely zone out, for the simple reason that their beauty, tone of voice, their whole persona just distracts you.
So you admire it.
You might be agreeing with what ever they could be talking about, nodding away like you’re following the conversation, and still have no clue what you’re actually listening to.
Simply because you can’t help but cherish their everything.
Love.
It’s beautiful.

[this is unfinished]

Floating

Time seems to be just blowing past me recently.
Like I’m in slow motion and the rest of my surrounding are in fast forward.
Kinda like I’m just floating though the past few days/weeks.
I’ll go to work, then next thing I’m finishing, and everything in between is just a blur.
Then it’ll just repeat the next day.
Weeks/months later, all I can remember is fuzzy vivid memories of days that have just vanished.
Where is time going?
I know for damn sure it’s not waiting around for me.
It’s almost like I’m viewing everything from a third person point of view and I’m not actually living everyday. Sounds rather silly but I feel as though I have no purpose right now.
Maybe I was a leaf in a past life… Just flying around wherever the wind took me.. No sense of direction.. Just here..

Have you ever had a dream where you’re tryna fight and no matter how hard you swing, you cause no damage, or you try to shout and no sound comes out? No? Well that’s what these past few months feel like..
Like I’m making no impact..
Just floating through the days..

I’m no poet.

Skin softer than a baby’s bottom.
A heart warmer than a hot summers day.
Beauty so unique, not a single word can describe.
A single touch can make me feel at ease.
A mind that can leave me hypnotised.
A persona I can almost taste.
Eyes that glisten like clean cut diamonds.
A voice that could sooth me even on my darkest days.
A connection so strong, nothing could even test it.
A foundation deep enough to build an empire.
Hands perfectly moulded to fit mine whilst walking side by side into the sunset.
A soulmate.
A lover.
A best friend.
A blessing.

I’m no poet. ~ JW

~

Imagine.

Imagine just disappearing.
Deactivating all social networking.
Turning off all ways of communication i.e phones etc.
No one being able to waste your time with pointless conversations.
Just you. Nothing else.
How beautiful would that be.

Imagine having peace.
Being able to not only hear your thoughts, but listen to them too.
For those who don’t know the difference between hearing and listening, listen to one of your favourite songs.
A song you know every single word to that you always sing along to.
Instead of singing, listen.
Listen to the actual lyrics.
Listen to what the song actually means.
Now imagine being able to actually do that with your thoughts.
Imagine being able to go through your thoughts one by one.
How beautiful would that be.

Imagine being worried about by others.
Someone actually noticing your absence.
Having someone tryna contact you by any means.
Not just texting or calling and giving up after a few times, but actually having someone take it upon them self to come to your front door and ask for you to see if you’re okay.
Imagine that.
Imagine being made someone’s priority. Whether it be a friendship or relationship, just having someone who will always make sure they’ll do all they can to make sure you’re okay.
How beautiful would that be.

It’s okay to want to fade away into the shadows every now and then.
I’m an introvert so I do it regularly, but for someone to want to be left alone, it shouldn’t be an issue.
The peace that they find could be what is keeping them sane.
Someone having the chance to actually reflect on life to make a better future should not be a something to complain about.
That could be what is allowing them to find their happiness from within.

Pay attention to people’s behaviours.
Everyone can smile through dark times.
Be the person they know that can always go to, even if they do have a few days alone.
Be that spare shoulder everyone secretly needs.
Be there when nothing else it.

~

#RandomThoughts2

Under lock and key.
My thoughts.
Locked away.
Fuck knows where the key is.
A waterfall of thoughts.
A drought of places to express them.
A million thoughts on the tip of my tongue.
Nowhere for them to roll off onto.
Where do I turn?
Left?
Right?
Left again?
I’m fucking losing my sanity tryna find some sense of direction.
Yeah I’ll smile.
From ear to ear infact.
No one will question my happiness.
Meanwhile behind this mask, I’m falling.
Falling fast.
My mind feels like the fuzzy screen on a TV when there’s no signal.
Disorientated.
Everything around me is in slow motion.
Meanwhile I feel like I’m in fast forward.
I just wana fucking pause.
Pause my thoughts.
Pause everything.
Pause it so that I can just sit down.
Sit down and find myself.
Find a glimpse of true happiness.
Because I know there’s happiness within me.
I know it.
But I’ve lost the key to unlock it.
When I think I’ve found it, the key fits the lock, but the key doesn’t turn.
Repeated disappointment.

I need to find this key, otherwise I’m gonna smash the lock.

#RandomThoughts

It’s like I’m encountering sleep paralysis.
It’s like I’m sitting still and can’t change what’s going on around me.
It’s like I’m numb.
It’s like I want to shout for help but mouth is taped up preventing me from escaping.
It’s like happiness is in a distant place from me, but yet so close. I can see it. I can hear it. I can taste it. But it’s not within my reach.
It’s like I’m being tested to see how long I will last in this darkened place.
It’s like I’m running out of time but I’m tied down, consequently making the finish arrive significantly quicker.
It’s like I’m an outsider looking in, wondering what the fuck I’m looking at.
It’s like I’m supposed to be smiling, but I’m numb. No feeling. Nothing.
It’s like I’ve been shut out, and I’m becoming colder by the minute. Somewhat heartless.
It’s like I’m no longer in control.
Spiralling into emptiness.
With no cushion for landing.
Just an underworld.
Full of pain.
Alone.
~

Tangled Thoughts

I haven’t blogged in quite a while but I thought I should ..

Recently I’ve been experiencing a lot of emotions, both good and bad, which just can’t settle in my mind.
It’s like one minute I’ll be the happiest guy on earth, then the next, I’ll just want to be away from everyone.
It may not be a physical event that triggers this, but because of all of what’s in my head, my mood can change at the flick of a light switch. I hate it.
And what worse is knowing that trying to express what’s in my head will not benefit me at all. Neither will anyone understand. Nor will I even be able to put these thoughts into words. I’d simply just be expressing some of my deepest feelings for them to be shrugged off the next day.
It’s not that I don’t want to talk to anyone, because I do, I just know it won’t change how I feel deep down. It’ll just leave me wondering if I should of bothered opening up to anyone.

Day by day I’ll have moments where I’ll be like “right I’m gona express this now!” Then the devil on my shoulder will be like “Nah. Not today”. And it’s like I’m fighting against myself to express this dark cloud or not. I feel as though if I don’t get these words out, they’ll just continue to eat away at me, but if I do, I’ll regret it, which is why I don’t want to risk it.

People will ask and ask and I will simply say “I’m fine” knowing full well they know me better, but I don’t want to feel vulnerable by explaining what’s up, which is why I put on a brave face.

I don’t know if any of you who read this can relate, but have you ever been on the verge of just trashing your bedroom, or smashing some plates in the hope that all of the negativity within you will disappear ? If you do you’ll know exactly how I feel. Maybe it’s the cancerian side of my trying to hide away, I don’t know. All I know is that sooner or later, I’m not going to be able to contain these emotions.

I do majority of my thinking whilst I lay in bed waiting to fall asleep, and at times ill feel sick to my stomach trying to sort the tangled mess that is within my skull, but as I slowly drift asleep, everything becomes okay for about 8 hours… until I wake up again.

If I was able to vent out this inner negativity, without being asked questions after I really would try, but relating back to a previous blog post of mine, I need someone to simply listen. No asking questions. Simply listening. Then maybe, just maybe ill be able to express what’s in the depths of my mind. But even then, it’s still questionable. Time is ticking.

Ive lost my train of thought which is why this blog is quite basic, but opinions are always appreciated.
Thanks for reading.